a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
