It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
Randomize
