im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
