The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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