put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
