i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
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