Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Randomize
