I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
