Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
