i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
I could fuck to npr.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
