I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
How's work?
Spinning.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Randomize
