Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
