I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
