he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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