If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
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