I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
