i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Randomize
