I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize