I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
