we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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