I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
