Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
