WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
...so i touched it.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize