Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
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