I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
