PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
