If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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