hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I believe in your delicious
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
