We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
