i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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