mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
