she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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