He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
