Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
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