I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
