I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Randomize
