She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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