Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Randomize