So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
