i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Watching her eat just hurts me
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
