I don't think brook has ever known best
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
