I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
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