if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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