i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Randomize
