apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I don't deserve a penis
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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