Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
