I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize