Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
