i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
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