Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
You ruined the universe
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
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