She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
