No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
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