Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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