You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I just found a bag of teeth...
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
