Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
