i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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