Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
