That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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