I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
me + whiskey = a bad person
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
