The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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