make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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