i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I believe in your delicious
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
