Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
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