Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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