i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Randomize
