He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize