just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Randomize
